My prettiest sister asked me the other night, have you always known you wanted to go overseas?
The answer is yes -- yes I knew I wanted to be in a different culture and see how other people lived. I didn't want to just visit, I wanted to be there and live there.
In spite of being in another country, I didn't really feel like I lived in Turkey (since we were on the outskirts of the city and really on a multi-national campus) until my parents came to visit. Having them visit the second year really made me realize that I was picking them up at my airport. I was showing them around my town. I was leading them to the church that they should attend in my neighborhood.
It was a weird feeling to have somewhere else be my home.
The only evidence besides my memory that proved I had always wanted to live overseas was when my most thoughtful sister brought me a note I wrote to her when she moved to AZ (a big deal for me, her 18 yr old sister) that said that moving to another "culture" would be good and that I have always wanted to live in one for a few years. I even wrote, "not months, years." I was very specific in my message sending.
So the dream was to live somewhere else and I did it, so now what.
The rest of the dream was to come back, get a house, have 2 more kids, get a higher degree.
I am not sure the rest of the dream will hold up...
...not all of it at least. I have gotten to a point where I am okay with that.
I do my best dreaming in the car, and my mind often drifts to my college graduation where we broke clay pipes before lining up to process as a symbol of getting rid of our pipe dreams.
Dreams change. We change. For the better.
I think my kids have reshaped the dream, my husband has reshaped the dream. They were part of it from the beginning, but the way I see the world and what I care about has changed.
The dream involves them and is for them, its not about what I want anymore.
It's what I want for them.
My family is a piece of art, so I guess I need to start chipping away at this great sculpture of David (not you Pellicane) because he is hot and I want my family to be hot too.
We made lists in High School, I think it was part of a homework assignment, "100 Things to do Before You Die." (The Bucket List before bucket lists were cool.) I happened to stumble across it when I was home after having Kel, and it was a little bittersweet to read. What was nice about it is that the most important dreams I listed I'd accomplished, and then, like you said, the rest of them strayed from their original intent because of the influence of time and family.
ReplyDeleteI decided to try it again this year. Instead of a New Year's Resolution, I wrote a list of things I'd like to accomplish and then tucked it away so I won't look at it until next year. I can't wait to see the difference a year makes to my list.
I love you, Celine. Now get to that chipping!
ReplyDelete;-)
i always assume that when people refer to michelangelo's "david" that they are talking about me. it's one of my worst habits.
ReplyDeletethat and not being able to chant things.
ReplyDelete