Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Dream

My prettiest sister asked me the other night, have you always known you wanted to go overseas?

The answer is yes -- yes I knew I wanted to be in a different culture and see how other people lived. I didn't want to just visit, I wanted to be there and live there.

In spite of being in another country, I didn't really feel like I lived in Turkey (since we were on the outskirts of the city and really on a multi-national campus) until my parents came to visit. Having them visit the second year really made me realize that I was picking them up at my airport. I was showing them around my town. I was leading them to the church that they should attend in my neighborhood.

It was a weird feeling to have somewhere else be my home.

The only evidence besides my memory that proved I had always wanted to live overseas was when my most thoughtful sister brought me a note I wrote to her when she moved to AZ (a big deal for me, her 18 yr old sister) that said that moving to another "culture" would be good and that I have always wanted to live in one for a few years. I even wrote, "not months, years." I was very specific in my message sending.

So the dream was to live somewhere else and I did it, so now what.

The rest of the dream was to come back, get a house, have 2 more kids, get a higher degree.

I am not sure the rest of the dream will hold up...
...not all of it at least. I have gotten to a point where I am okay with that.

I do my best dreaming in the car, and my mind often drifts to my college graduation where we broke clay pipes before lining up to process as a symbol of getting rid of our pipe dreams.

Dreams change. We change. For the better.

I think my kids have reshaped the dream, my husband has reshaped the dream. They were part of it from the beginning, but the way I see the world and what I care about has changed.

The dream involves them and is for them, its not about what I want anymore.

It's what I want for them.

My family is a piece of art, so I guess I need to start chipping away at this great sculpture of David (not you Pellicane) because he is hot and I want my family to be hot too.




4 comments:

  1. We made lists in High School, I think it was part of a homework assignment, "100 Things to do Before You Die." (The Bucket List before bucket lists were cool.) I happened to stumble across it when I was home after having Kel, and it was a little bittersweet to read. What was nice about it is that the most important dreams I listed I'd accomplished, and then, like you said, the rest of them strayed from their original intent because of the influence of time and family.
    I decided to try it again this year. Instead of a New Year's Resolution, I wrote a list of things I'd like to accomplish and then tucked it away so I won't look at it until next year. I can't wait to see the difference a year makes to my list.

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  2. I love you, Celine. Now get to that chipping!
    ;-)

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  3. i always assume that when people refer to michelangelo's "david" that they are talking about me. it's one of my worst habits.

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  4. that and not being able to chant things.

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