Calvin and I at the Eurasian marathon in Istanbul2007
(we walked 10K)
It has been a struggle for me to foster my femininity.
I grew up being talented at things boys are known for doing.
I was good at soccer and then softball and then bowling and then basketball and then track and field and then volleyball. Somewhere in there I was a cheerleader but decided that I couldn't fake smile for that long, and I asked my dad to let me practice kicking touchdowns instead.
He conceded to my wishes, but maybe he knew that one night of attempting field goals would make me realize I should stick to punting soccer balls.
He conceded to my wishes, but maybe he knew that one night of attempting field goals would make me realize I should stick to punting soccer balls.
I dragged my parents into the world of suburbanite athletic competition.
They didn't make me a jock - it was my own doing and it built me.
They didn't make me a jock - it was my own doing and it built me.
Throughout my athletic career I was exposed to trying to pee in cups on backs of buses and tapping signs for good luck before entering games and taping breasts so they wouldn't knock into knees when running on the soccer field.
This, to me, was femininity. What better way to express ourselves than through physical strength and beating out someone else?
This, to me, was femininity. What better way to express ourselves than through physical strength and beating out someone else?
Femininity is not these things though - I have come to learn.
I notice when I have to borrow make-up and jewelry and cute shoes.
I notice when I get out of the car to go for lunch with friends and my keys are jingle-jangling next to my wallet in my pocket and I wonder why everyone else has a bag with them.
I notice when I invariably put on New Balance shoes for every occasion.
I notice when my kids play with my friends' kids and I feel like we are all in this child rearing thing together, not trying to beat each other out.
I am still trying to grasp the concept, and I think I can get there.
Just give me time.
I notice when I have to borrow make-up and jewelry and cute shoes.
I notice when I get out of the car to go for lunch with friends and my keys are jingle-jangling next to my wallet in my pocket and I wonder why everyone else has a bag with them.
I notice when I invariably put on New Balance shoes for every occasion.
I notice when my kids play with my friends' kids and I feel like we are all in this child rearing thing together, not trying to beat each other out.
I am still trying to grasp the concept, and I think I can get there.
Just give me time.
Blah. If makeup, jewelry, and handbags are femininity then I must be just a little ahead of you. I don't use many of those things on a daily basis (besides the handbag. I'm a bag lady, 2 diaper bags, hand bag, potty bag, medicine bag, the list goes on and on).
ReplyDeleteKeep your sneakers on, or just buy some rubber soled casual shoes. Its easier to spontaneously sprint after your kids for an impropmtu game of tag with them on your feet.
Makeup can be comprised of tinted lip gloss and tinted spf moisturizer with a little mascara added.
I personally feel ideals of femininity are subjective and colored from person to person by ingrown perceptions. To me, nothing makes someone more attractive than self assurance and a good self esteem. If sneakers and volleyballs make you feel good, than nothing is going to make you more "pretty" than that! (Just like I never feel better than when I'm covered in paint and ink!)
But you're free to borrow my handbags or earrings anytime. :-)
Here's the thing though -- I don't want to redefine what it means to be womanly. I want to embody it. I have too many friends who I love because they have the girlishness I have yet to really discover. I am hoping that I can find it, but I have to really research the ways I locate it. All of the ways in front of me are not really desirable. I will leave the rest of this conversation for a future post.
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