Deciding to return home from Turkey was difficult. We found ourselves in a tight spot.
The land of lojman was so full for our son. He had the life: ten friends at his whim 24 hours a day. School with those friends and play and play and play with those friends. He went slip and sliding and played soccer with them. He met them at the park and went to picnics with them. He took vacations with them and went grocery shopping with them.
He also had a wonderful school there where he was taught in Turkish and English and went to school with all of his friends all day long. He learned through play and was truly loved, as each child was in this tight knit community.
All the things that made us feel we were in the film Ground Hog's Day, those things were what made lojmanlar just perfect for a 3 yr old boy. He felt safe and loved and had all the socializing he needed. It was hard to take him away from that.
Now he is experiencing new and different things each day and being exposed to things outside of my control and I love it. I love the excitement it brings and the way it helps him grow and develop, but I often wonder what one more year in Istanbul, in lojmanlar, would have brought for him. I wonder whether he would have continued to love it and whether he would have been able to develop more socially and academically had he stayed in the sweet space of his life with his friends. That time was so special for him.
He remembers, sometimes verbally, the kids he used to know and the things he used to do there. He remembers the laughter and playing and the security of being on a campus and "owning" the area he lived in and really knowing every nook and cranny.
But I love the person he is learning to be in this space we have brought him to where he can really grow. I think if we had stayed it would have been harder for him to leave after 3 years and understand what was happening. I think he knows that this is the place for him, and I hope it is the best choice for all of us.
It is hard to know what is best at any given time, but when we were deciding whether or not we should return I said, NJ is the place we need to be. I have yet to discover why that is, but I am glad I don't have to figure it out if I just know that it is.
I think everyone grows in different places. The labels attached to our trunks said: need snow, a touch of direct sunlight, old friends, deep roots, and variety.
...so I think this is where we grow best.
This is a great post! And you definitely made the good choice! Being here gives the kids confidence but it also makes them lack of reality and danger sense. They think everywhere is the same as on the lojman and don't see the danger... (Rafael fell in a water well on the beach and really frightened his parents)
ReplyDeleteBut we miss you and I would have loved if you had stayed on more year ;o)
Whatever, I'm sure that wherever you will be your son's will be happy because you keep focused on what is the best for them, you're a great mom and a great friend.
Glad you're happy in your decision. And I like the idea of a label attached to your trunk.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I think any decision in this case is hard. All I know is that I wish I spent more time in Hungary as a child so that I'd be more ... weathered as a young adult. But that's just me, and my past was a totally different scene. I'm sure no matter what he'll grow into an appropriate and worldly boy.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are back in NJ...but I'm selfish and I love knowing you are within a 10 minute drive of me. hahaha
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