Unbalanced Day

It's been a tough few days here in New Jersey navigating floods and power outages, juggling department meetings and progress reports, and oh yes! living the mundane (but at times, overwhelming), moments of everyday life in the Garden State.

In the past few days, I've unfortunately seen cars abandoned in flood water, spent a rain soaked hour searching the neighborhood for our newly purchased fence boards, got smacked in the face when the wind whipped my umbrella inside out, gained two pounds from eating the world's most amazing Irish soda bread and failed to access the school server from home, thus missing two deadlines.

Luckily, our block maintained electricity throughout the storm, our ceiling didn't collapse like it did last year in the apartment across the hall, our basement is water free, Pinkerton didn't float away, and my wardrobe advanced to its spring glory because I had the sense to make a beeline to the back of Target (where I shopped the Liberty of London clothing line by rummaging through fitting room carts) instead of joining the competition at the front of the store, where the other wackadoos snatched at racks and one another.

Interesting - why is it that whenever I write about life's negatives, I feel compelled (responsible? obligated?) to mention its positives?

Society preaches that striking a balance is essential for one's well being. I've heard people say that "If you find a work/life balance, you'll find the key to happiness" or that "a balanced, healthy diet is the key to weight loss", "Everyone is seeking joy in our lives. Having a balanced life is the key to having a happy life", "I have found that the happiest times in my life were the times that I had the most balance", "happiness is not determined on whether a person is successful or not successful, happiness is having the right balance ,both in mind and in actions"... blah, blah, blah and so on.

But think about it: if one agrees that balance is essential to living one's best life, doesn't that mean that in order to experience happiness in that life, one must spend 50% of their time wallowing in shit?

Hmm. Screw balance; I'll save that for sentences and checkbooks.  And speaking of checkbooks, if you want me to be honest, I guess I should just go there: in my opinion, balance doesn't beget happiness, money does.

Audrey Niffenegger, author of this and of course, that , said it best in an interview for Writer's Digest.  Her words have stayed with me since I first read them months ago because more than anything else I've read on the subject, they ring the most true and support my "money is the key to happiness" philosophy:

WD: I know you’ve said before that you don’t have a desire to write full time, but it’s sort of every writer’s dream to suddenly be given the means. How does that amount of money change your writing life?

AN: I’m also a visual artist, that’s kind of my starting point, and back in the ’90s I started going to artist colonies. The one I go to the most is Ragdale. I remember the first time I ever went to Ragdale, and I was just like, Oh my God, I’m going to get up today and I’m going to do what I want. I’m going to make stuff. And it was such a fantastic feeling to own your own day. You know, nobody was going to tell me what to do that day. And I thought, that’s what to aspire to, just to be in control of your time. So there was a point a couple of years ago where I suddenly realized that I had achieved control over my day. And that was really exciting. 

Can you imagine?  Owning your own day?  Actually, many of you do own your own day and it's not because you're world class published authors making $$$$ or wives of wealthy businessmen, trust fund babies, etc.  You just happen to make it work by sacrificing and having enough money to cover your expenses on one income or, well, you don't mind being in debt.

I've never been in a situation that didn't require working for someone else in order to earn a much needed full time income.  Therefore, I've never truly owned my own day.  I've gotten closer to owning it, and have even borrowed it during the summer months in recent years - after a decade of schlepping heavy trays and cocktails, that is.

To me, owning my day is essential to my happiness and it's what I strive for.  I'm willing to sacrifice a lot in order to make it happen but owning your own day twelve months a year isn't that easy.

But I'm trying.  So until I do, please don't mistake that effort for pessimism and for goodness sake, don't bother lecturing me on balance because as long as someone else is in control of the scales and my pursestrings, I'll remain a bit shifty.

The Beatles were right when they sang money can't buy me love, but in my response song, I would like to return that it sure could buy me a whole lotta happiness.