Et Tu, Starbucks?

After days of sunshine and 80 degree temps, 

I shouldn't blame the weather for 

(re)turning on me today, so I won't. Well,

maybe just a little since it looks like 

this outside of my window:

But don't worry, you're the least of

my problems today. I get it - you're the weather

after all, and your forces lie beyond the human 

grasp so there's no sense in trying to control you

(and hey, at least there's a spot of light 

in the corner of that rainy parking lot).

 for you know not what you do.

Starbucks, on the other hand, well

I have a major bone to pick with you, as

 your forces are held in human hands,

(and in my hands daily)!

 Starbucks, HOW COULD YOU?

I thought it was a joke when your droll

teenage barista (shouldn't you be in school, sweetie?)

turned her eyes to me and, with such flippant disregard,

allowed me to order and THEN informed me

that your steam wands were broken, 

did I want it cold instead?

 Excuse me? 

Do I want a cold grande non-fat caramel machiatto?  

Me? Puh-leeze.

Everyone knows that what starts out like this

ends up a mess of congealed caramel that forces

the drinker to suck even harder on the too-long 

plastic straw and thus slurp down $4.34 of milky 

nothingness in a matter of a few unsatisfying seconds.

No thank you.

I left there, not quite knowing what to do

since I only do the donuts at the Dunkin'.

After a few moments of parking lot woe (and a 

after sending out a couple of smoke signal tweets

to my virtual BFF Amanda C.), I went slummin'.

Thanks, Starbucks, but you're not getting off that easy.

You can't dismiss me and then try to smooth things over

by offering a cold replacement for our what you know,

is a very hot, sticky, sweet, sweet love.

Oh no, take a look at me now, baby, and see

what you've reduced me to after all of these years

that I've been SO damn faithful to you!

You really know how to wreck a girl, don't ya?

(Note to self: Easter has come and gone and 

so should that nail color. Take care of that, ok?)