... was convincing the world he didn't exist.
Remember that line from Usual Suspects? I sure do but there is someone in my life whom I think has either forgotten it or has sold their soul to the devil.
This person used to be someone I admired and respected but lately, has become someone I don't recognize and unfortunately, is turning into an agent bound and determined to gain success at the expense of others.
I am not perfect - far from it. I have flaws that haunt me and that I work terribly hard to combat. For example, choosing a career as an English teacher probably wasn't the best choice for someone like me for two reasons: I am not a superficial person and therefore obsess over every detail of my own and my students' work and I suffer from an extreme case of ADD that, when combined with my need to be thorough, can make parts of my job appear insurmountable.
But I refuse to use either of those as an excuse and therefore on a daily basis, I work very hard to be the best teacher I can be; thanks to the coping strategies I've developed over the past thirty years and my medication, for the most part, I'm successful and always meet my deadlines.
Another one of my flaws is that I find it impossible to keep my mouth shut when it comes to pointing out inconsistencies and unfairness. This gets me into a lot of trouble and sours some people toward me but I can't help it: if I think that someone is being treated unfairly, I speak up; I'm still shocked by the number of people in this world who are comfortable shrinking away from injustice.
I have a lot of faults but I also have a lot of respect for myself because I know that above all, I have integrity. I am nothing if not nice, warm, and caring. Although my attitude tends to border on pessimism at times, when I look at others, I always see their goodness and worth and know they are worth loving and caring about.
I believe in the greater good. I believe in others. I believe that fairness for all is more important than my own personal gain.
And that's because my own self respect is firmly rooted in a strong code of ethics and morals, one that I have determined for myself based on my years of experience out in the world.
I stand firm in my convictions: I value fairness for all over the power of one. I value others, not just myself.
But someone in my life disagrees, to the point of appearing only too willing to do the Devil's work for a few extra thousand dollars a year. What I wonder is, does this person realize that Hell doesn't operate according to our system of Western currency?
Once a soul is sold, there's no amount of money in this world that can ever buy it back.
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Ali,
ReplyDeleteAs a man, I want to fix this for you: Throw someone down a flight of stairs.
As an adult, and yes, occasionally they co-exist in the same corporal structure, I want to throw someone down a flight of stairs.
Integrity is the only asset you truly own.
In your corner,
-e.
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity... Yeats warned us about this apocalypse of apathy a long time ago. We don't need to fear it anymore, because it has come. And we know it, whatever side we are on.
ReplyDeleteAnd all most of us do is cover our own asses and feel a secret guilty relief that if the devil has come for someone we know, chances are slimmer that he's coming for us.
I'm searching my soul on this one, which is, on the one hand, what good people do all the time, and on the other hand, an excuse for inaction.
I, too, am in your corner. Guess we'll see exactly what that means soon enough.
--Laura
I'm totally rooting for you lady. This whole thing just makes me sad for you... Karma comes around in the end though, I promise you that!
ReplyDeleteInteresting post...which leaves me craving more information (which I can blame on my endless curiosity, which has plagued me since birth).
ReplyDeleteHope this turns out alright for you. I know that feeling...and it is miserable.