How Do I Take the Consumer Out?

I want to be a woman, but does that mean I have to be a shopper?

Do I really have to buy all of THAT?

Piggybacking on my fem post the other day and then on my sneaker post, I want to tell you about my shoe shopping experience today. It involved the internet and a whole lot of the scroll roller of the mouse.

As I was scrolling I kept telling myself what I needed: new brown flats (look for bows and curved lines) and new black heels (look for a sleek wedge, something that won't break).

It has been a while for both of these staples of the wardrobe, so one deserves the upgrade. As I scrolled I saw some and figured I would find more and come back to those but each time a cute sneaker came up my heart melted. THAT is what I want hugging my foot every day. I want the retro-style funky looking sneaker on my foot at all times. Why can't that happen?

At the same time I know that I like to wear skirts and put on make up and cute shoes. I like wearing a good bra and getting my brows waxed regularly. And I know my husband notices and cares if and when I do fem it up, and I like that. I do like shopping.

But I just don't like buying all these things. It is not part of me. It is not who I am. I am a woman and I want to show that but I don't care what people wear and I want to show that.

So I start thinking about the essentials and that is all I want to stick with. I want it to be Simple (not like the magazine because that totally is not), but just simple. I don't want people to think I care about whether they are wearing the right thing.

I don't want people to feel threatened by my shopping.

My most honest most recent answer for this problem: The Amish.

Girls Girls Girls

Here is what I am observing about the women that exude femininity in my world. They have curls, wear skirts, wear heels, have a kick in their step, they smile brightly and dye regularly. They sometimes drape just the right scarf in just the right way. They don't leave the house without a little color on some part of their face and something hanging from their neck or wrist. They have a bag clutched or hung on the arm that others look at and want.

They move slowly and quietly.

Many of the women around me today had these things and wore them with ease. I had a meeting with the women from my church today - one of the many reasons I love my church.

I noticed the woman with the smart white coatish half jacket with the bold black buttons. She had a sweet face to match the class of the outfit. Then there was the curl covered speaker who just oozed with femininity and didn't need her sweet husband nearby to prove it, but he was there too. Her features were fine and speech was on point and confident. It was wonderful.

I also noticed the cute, some even hand-craftedly beautiful necklaces and matching earrings and handbags. It was amazing and I want it all.

I was not part of the oozing.

I found myself getting back to my house just in time to throw on a brown cotton dress and a covering paired with my brown, round toed, 3 year old (and it shows) flats. No shower in 2 days, not even a brush through the hair. The whole ride back to my home I was thinking I shouldn't go because I am still without nose and with cough and mucous.

For me debating always ends with a yes. I am glad that it does.

It was lovely. I was inspired to be.

And I will try for femininity next time because that's what I want to exude.

Overrun by Sneakers

advanced apology: over transitioned

My husband complains about all of my sneakers taking up room in the closet.

We have an apartment right now which makes our things "that used to fit in the apartment we lived in before we left that were stored in my parents basement combined with the things that we acquired for 2 years while living in a 3 bedroom townhouse in Turkey" seem like we once lived in a mansion before coming here.

We never lived in a mansion. And our things would let the rest of the mansion echo if we moved our stuff there. But our closets are filled with camping stuff and snowboarding stuff and electronics stuff and Christmas stuff...

Things other than clothes and shoes.

So our shoes, almost everybody's shoes, are in the front entry way coat closet. The bunch includes 4 pair of New Balance sneakers (all free of charge to me thanks to my awesome shoe-acquiring b-i-l).

This is precisely the complaint I often hear, "Do you NEED that many pairs of sneakers?"

And the answer is always yes.

Yes...

I need one for when I forget to wear the right socks at the gym and they get blood on the heel.

I need one for when I am out with the boys and need to leave the mud-filled pair out on the mat for the rain to wipe them clean (thanks rain).

I need one for nights out with the ladies at this place (the clean ones).

And I need one for just going to mom's house.

But maybe I should replace these 4 for 2 of these and hear less complaining:

1. Five fingers - the running would not end with blood so I wouldn't need anything else.

2. A nice pair of rugged yet sassy waterproof, black boots (I don't shop - can anyone tell me if these exist? Maybe the Croc people can work something up.) - I could wear these to 3 of the other places.

However, if I am working on femininity, isn't it all about having numerous shoes? Shouldn't I then replace the 2 other sneaks with cute open-toed heels or a nice pair of versatile sling backs and a nice pair of boots (Uggs is it?) and some galoshes? And possibly hold on to one set of sneaks for that leisurely run when I want to tone my buns?

I am not sure how to go about this. What I am sure of, is that the shoe complaining must come with the wedding ring and I really like all the attention.

Girly Girl

Calvin and I at the Eurasian marathon in Istanbul
2007
(we walked 10K)

It has been a struggle for me to foster my femininity.

I grew up being talented at things boys are known for doing.

I was good at soccer and then softball and then bowling and then basketball and then track and field and then volleyball. Somewhere in there I was a cheerleader but decided that I couldn't fake smile for that long, and I asked my dad to let me practice kicking touchdowns instead.

He conceded to my wishes, but maybe he knew that one night of attempting field goals would make me realize I should stick to punting soccer balls.

I dragged my parents into the world of suburbanite athletic competition.

They didn't make me a jock - it was my own doing and it built me.

Throughout my athletic career I was exposed to trying to pee in cups on backs of buses and tapping signs for good luck before entering games and taping breasts so they wouldn't knock into knees when running on the soccer field.

This, to me, was femininity. What better way to express ourselves than through physical strength and beating out someone else?

Femininity is not these things though - I have come to learn.

I notice when I have to borrow make-up and jewelry and cute shoes.

I notice when I get out of the car to go for lunch with friends and my keys are jingle-jangling next to my wallet in my pocket and I wonder why everyone else has a bag with them.

I notice when I invariably put on New Balance shoes for every occasion.

I notice when my kids play with my friends' kids and I feel like we are all in this child rearing thing together, not trying to beat each other out.

I am still trying to grasp the concept, and I think I can get there.

Just give me time.

Title IX

Dear Tomboys of the 60's,

Hi there. I am a girl who was a tomboy and played and played and played every sport that involved a sphere. I consider myself a tomboy of the 90s, but I am not sure that term was ever put on me. I don't remember hearing it, and I think it is because of this thing called Title IX, whatever it is. I was just an athletic girl, and sometimes even just an athlete.

Climbing in trees and jumping over fences, what a great way to use your energy. Thank you for being tomboys even though no one gave you sports to play. Making bruises and scars cool must have been hard when there was no goal posts in sight. Female athletes owe you all for the healthy, exercise filled lives we live today.

But we owe you more than that, don't we. Legitimizing women's sports has been a struggle and not having sports to legitimize must have been devastating. I can't imagine not doing something you knew you had a talent for, a desire for. Or being told you can't or aren't good enough to do something you know you can do. Was that second part worse? I would think it would be worse.

I look around at many of my friends and many of the things I love about my life and they have so much to do with sports and athletics and there is no way those things would have existed without you. You tomboys, breaking through the powder being puffed onto cheeks, you are the ones I have to thank.

Thank you for my strong back to pick up and carry my children. Thank you for my determination to do better and to be better. Thank you for knowing how to work with others as a team. Thank you mostly for showing me how to live a healthy life, one where staying fit is fun.

Thank you tomboys, I owe you my life.

Love,

Celine